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AM I DEALING WITH PLANET OF THE APES OR MODERN MAN   ?





        While sailing along with the greatest of ease, I ran into a big, fat, black cat which was in front of me. It really wasn't my fault because it was dark and the cat had no lights on and its hue blended with the ambience. Anyway the laws of hyper physics were applied and I was deflected off the intelligent grid and warped onto a beautiful sphere which I believe is in the constellation called the Milky-Way. (I will have to check this out later when I get time to look at my star chart.)

        But now I have to recompose my mental faculties. This is because the landing I experienced wasn't the best I have had --- It included a contact of the weird kind with a mountain peak which was concealed in some high clouds. After this 'encounter' I pitched, yawed, rolled, tumbled and flew into realities far exceeding the capability of my on board comPUter to compensate for. My comPUter is programmed only to handle standard physics and not hyperdimensional physics which includes warp speed and virtual reality. Furthermore this mountain top had no flashing red lights to warn me. I said a prayer or two and figured I was going to meet my Water-Loo. But as faith would have it I hit a large body of water at just the right angle to ricochet off on a trajectory that would put me twelve centimeters higher than that same mountain peak I had made contact with earlier.

        Barely missing that mountain peak (that does not have a flashing red light on it) with my ship upside down, at a much slower speed, which made this reality quite vivid, I knew that I was going to descend into who knows what. I soon made contact with one of the west side slopes of the foot hills which ad-joined the high mountain I had made contact with. I bounced eight or nine times --- I don't remember exactly how many because my mental faculties were upset. I then rolled like a football down the slope for what seemed like ten minutes (I did not know about reality for I wasn't keeping up with time at this moment.)

        I finally came to rest upside and tilted nose-down at an eighteen degree angle in the midst of a large blackberries brier patch, which was in low area near a busy arterial of a modern world. I set there upside down a few moments buckled in my seat so dizzy that I really didn't know the difference. I soon became aware of my orientation and took a quick look at my control panel. Everything seemed to be okay, so I unbuckled my seat belt and fell onto the ceiling of my ship. I wiggled around to orient myself with the prevailing gravity and started recomposing my mental faculties. This process did not last too long and I soon become well aware of my plight and started wondering if the bad luck myth about the black cat had validity, or if this ordeal was programmed into my karma eons ago before the comPUter came into existence to run our lives.



        Fortunately for me I was wearing my seat belt on this leisurely cruise (For I sometimes don't when I am out just cruising around the Grid). I did not sustain any serious injuries to my mental or physical being in this ordeal. Now with mental faculties in good working order I knew I must open my door and get out and expose myself to the elements of this beautiful place. The opening at the top door seal was on the same plane as the top of the blackberries briars which were approximately one meter from the ground below and extended about seven meters in all directions from any point of my craft. I stood erect on the ceiling of the door to make a survey of just how big of a problem I had. To make an accurate survey I would have to take into consideration the size of my upside down craft and the way I was dressed (Which was in violation of the Federation's Dress Code for Interstellar Travel, which is an anti- gravity jump suit --- I was just clad in casual wear for I was just out on a leisurely cruse when I hit that black cat and was warped into this problem).

        I made my way back inside to my comPUter and started punching in the data of my plight on its C: drive and then ask for analysis. This was when I learned that the upside down comPUter and I were on even keel in this type of problem. For a window popped up on the screen which read 'invalid data.' I tried once more by reformatting my entry. The window then read, 'NO SUGGESTIONS'. I went back out side and stood on the ceiling of the door once more and wondered how in the universe my observations could possibly be invalid. I then climbed up on the bottom of my craft to see if I could see some intelligent life forms that I could summon help from.

        I could see the arterial which bridged over some low terrain approximately three hundred meters away and the flow of commuters was in the wrong direction for anyone to see me. So I decided not to jump up and down on the bottom of my craft and scream for help. This left me no other alternatives --- I had to go through that blackberry patch in my causal wear. At least it was a nice day. The sun was at forty five degree angle from a visual level plane. The blackberry's briars were in bloom and bees were buzzing in and among their beautiful blossoms and the birds were singing. I finally built up enough courage to jump from the door seal into the brier patch. I was immediately grabbed by twelve or thirteen of the clinging vines. I meticulously (with my fingers) detached myself from the ones that had hold on my bare skin and did not let the ones that clung to my casual wear stop me from pulling myself back up on the door seal.

        After this first attempt I was much wiser. I figured I needed something in each hand to push the briars away from me. I then went back inside my ship to look for something that would do this job. I found two rather thick Technical Manuals I kept under the pilot's seat just in case of comPUter malfunction. Now back on the door seal once again with a T. M. in each hand I was ready to jump into the briar patch once more. I paused momentarily to reminisce through some 'If onlys'; If only I had not hit that black cat. If only I had been watching a ball game on T.V. instead of out cruising around. If only I was dressed in my anti-gravity jump suit. Which was described in this technical manual, as I hold both of them out in front of me.

        I made the jump and was grabbed by many briers once again but this tine I had my strategy. I used the T. M's to push the briers away from me, and started making my way through the briarpatch. I was almost clear of those clinging briers when some ill tempered bees launched their attack on me. I threw the T.M.'s down and sprang for freedom and ran as fast as I could toward the arterial of modern man. After having put a safe distance between me and ill-tempered bees I stopped to analyze my situation and hyperventilate a while.

        After three and a half minutes of heavy breathing my blood was oxygenated enough so there would not be any damage to my mental faculties, and physically I was stung three times and had numerous minor scratches on my legs and arms. A few more moments went by and I decided that I was not going to be intimidated by those bees and went back to check on my T.M's. and secure my ship. I found the manuals okay and I chose a different path through the briars to avoid the bees' nest, and back to the door of my ship. I made it without any noteworthy incidents, for I had access to some sticks I used to make my path back to the door. I pulled myself upon the door seal and entered my ship. I then took very careful look at all my control panel --- all dial tones and lights were ok. I then asked on board comPUter to shut down and wait for further commands. There was a tiny blue light at the bottom left side corner of the keyboard turned on and the greeting message on screen 'HAVE A NICE TRIP.' I now am ready to leave my ship and sojourn into this modern world .



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